Sometimes

Sometimes when I’m driving, I get to thinking about you and I’ll pass up my exit without even realizing it.

Sometimes when I smell cigarettes, I’ll close my eyes and pretend you’re nearby.

Sometimes I’ll grab my pillow and lay on the floor, acting as if I’m in my old apartment waiting for you to come home.

Sometimes I walk around my apartment alone, talking to you, saying funny things, trying to remember your laugh.

Sometimes late at night when I can’t sleep, I think of that Christmas we spent together, when you were sober and I fell asleep to the sound of your breathing.

Sometimes when I’m reading through old messages I’ll fool myself into thinking that what we had was real.

Sometimes when I go for runs, I hope that I come upon that bag of my things you stole.

Sometimes I save my last 20 bucks just in case you call and need it.

Sometimes my life gets so consumed with wondering about you, I forget to brush my teeth or put on deodorant.

Sometimes when I know I’m enabling you, I translate that into doing my own personal labor of love.

Sometimes when you call, I avoid telling you what I know I should, just to hear what I think I want.

Sometimes I wonder if I like you being sick, the only way you want me is when you need me.

Sometimes I wake up with the thought of you and it never goes away.

Then again, sometimes it does.

And those “sometimes”, are the times I cling to.

 

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